Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

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I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

What are the core beliefs of liberalism and conservatism? Can you provide a list of defining characteristics for each side?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have a reading level above third grade

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

What is the difference between Michael Corleone’s marriage to Apollonia Vitelli and Kay Adams?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

Why does my private parts itch so much during certain periods?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

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I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand how hurricane paths work

How did AI have a role in John Lennon's vocal performance on last year's Beatles song Now and Then, produced by Paul McCartney?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I see through liars

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

What are the different types of networking?

I don’t buy bullshit

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Will India ever surpass China in Technology?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I can read

How can I control my daily masturbating habit?

I can count

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Should women be allowed in “combat roles” within the military?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Est eos enim quis.

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I actually pay taxes

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously